Day 8 of 100

“The stories we tell about ourselves keep us stuck in old patterns.” - Jess lively

Hearing this quote from Jess Lively (one of my fave podcasters) was a big A-HA! moment for me. It is true that what we say about ourselves and the stories that we repeat over and over to other people are the things that end up turning into beliefs and patterns we live out daily.

There are many things I say to and about myself that are unflattering and self-deprecating. I also repeat old stories to be funny or to fit in with whoever I am talking to. There are plenty of stories that don’t feel like they “fit" me anymore but if needed I can still rehash them over and over.

There are also the things I say about myself like "Don’t ask me to figure that out, I am bad with math" or “Don’t tell me, I can’t remember anything”. Or "I am too old, too cheap, too whatever" - These insidious little statements may seem like nothing but repeated over and over without examination become part of your persona like it or not.

Recently, during a musical I worked on, one of the actors kept telling everyone how he broke everything he touched and he shouldn’t be trusted to carry anything. For the record, he did not break anything during our run but with those sort of statements he will be remembered as a person who breaks things. Even though he did a great job in the musical he lessened his own self-worth by repeatedly telling that story about himself.

For a few years now, I have tried to be more conscious about what I say about myself in front of other people. I try not to repeat stories to others that portray me in a negative fashion or doing something I’ve out grown. I don’t like defining my self by titles or descriptions and I try not to do that to others. I am conscious of self-criticism in front of my girls. I don’t bash my weight or my hair but I do realize that I talk a lot about looking old and not remembering way more than I should and I cringe every time I catch myself repeating some old story that does not ring true just to fit in with whoever I am talking to. I still have work to do.

One definition of the word pattern is a model or guide for making something. You use a pattern to make the same dress over and over again. You use a pattern stencil because you want the same shape repeated over and over again. The more patterns we act out in life the more we just repeat the same results over and over again. I, for one, am tired of a lot of the patterns I have been living out for the past 30 years. How can I grow or get new results when I am just repeating the same old patterns?

To change a pattern or a habit you have to be intentional and conscious about what you say and do –therein lies the difficulty. I will be the first to admit that I live most hours of my day unconscious and unintentionally reacting to whatever is happening at the moment.

I am not sure how I can quickly change that but I do know that since I've tried to be more conscious of what I say about myself and the stories I tell I have been writing some new patterns. Maybe awareness is the way to consciousness? I’m still trying to figure that one out! But I do know that we all need to keep creating new patterns because the old ones get outdated.

I wonder, what do you say about yourself? What stories do you continue to tell that should probably be retired? It's definitely something worth examining.

I am hoping this 100 day project will get me into some new patterns of making art and of sharing it. I have already found it to be difficult to fit in my day and I am only on day 8! Oh well, only 92 more to go…

Below are some of the quotes and illustrations from days four through 7.

If you are trying to take on something new this year I hope things are going well for you. As always, thank you for reading!

XO Beth