Looking for Peace? Try Surrender

This month I am following along with Oprah’s podcast version of Super Soul Sunday. She and Eckhart Tolle are discussing his book “A New Earth” chapter by chapter. I have had so many wonderful moments of clarity rereading this book. Today I really understood surrender and peace.

Many years ago when I had younger children and did a lot of volunteering at their school and at church I was often tired, busy and dissatisfied. One afternoon while driving home from a painting class I was taking, I clearly heard the word “surrender.” It was not Morgan Freeman but it was commanding enough that I immediately began sobbing as I was driving. I knew that the word meant for me to surrender all the busyness, fear, doubt - surrender it all and paint.

At that time in my life I was pretty conflicted. I was in deep with all my volunteer commitments. My children needed my hands on attention and I was not yet ready to surrender and paint. That message, along with many others through the years, has haunted me. Even as I tried to push those feelings and urges down, always in the back of my head there is some part of me that knows I will never be happy until I surrender.

Since my double-hip replacement in January, I have been forced to slow down and surrender to my recovery. The hip replacement has given me the luxury of slowing down and taking more personal time for things other than errands. This morning was day two of breaking out the oil paints (after nine months of part-time art journaling) and getting back into a routine.

I did not know what I was going to paint or even if I had a spare canvas. I just knew I needed to paint. Luckily, I found an old half painted canvas, a reference photo and I went to town. It didn’t take long but when I was finished I sat back and felt at peace.

This reminded me of what I have been reading in “A New Earth.” In chapter two Eckhart Tolle references resistance as an inner contraction, a state of being closed up. When you are in that state nothing good can come to you. When you open up and surrender a new dimension of consciousness opens up. Instead of closing yourself off and fighting against life you will be in alignment with that creative intelligence that animates the universe. He says “you will rest in the peace and stillness that comes with surrender, you rest in God.”

This also brings to mind Steven Pressfield’s book “The War of Art.” He describes overcoming resistance and surrendering to your inner urge to create like slaying a dragon –everyday. After you slay the dragon there is peace in the kingdom but each day brings a new dragon.

Today after I finished my little rooster painting I had that wonderful feeling of peace. Jesus described it as the peace that passes all understanding. I know it won’t last but each day that I choose to surrender to my art I know that I will be rewarded with peace.

Peace is a powerful reason to do something. More powerful and meaningful than Instagram likes, followers, or a vague dream of making money. Those are the outward, ego demands we put on the ephemeral process of making art.

Tomorrow is another opportunity to practice surrendering again. I will try it, how about you? What brings you peace? Do you have something in your life that calls you to surrender to it? It doesn’t have to be painting or anything related to art. The Creative Intelligence that animates this world operates in endless ways.

Beth

Future-Thinking is Keeping You in the Past

I am a chronic future-thinker. Perhaps you are too? Future-thinking means always looking to get or do things in that elusive future date.

A general example is "When I make more money I will take that class or that trip I have always wanted to." Some things I always say to myself are "When I am finally painting and making money from my art work I will buy those bigger canvases I need for that series." or "When I have painted longer and sold more THEN I will explore how to lead a workshop." or my favorite go to "When I am selling paintings and making money I will finally stop feeling guilty for not having a real job."

The fault of the future-thinking premise is that of course there will never be a future in that sense. There is only the present moment. The present moment is where we actually operate from and make decisions that affect our "future." Future-thinking is actually thinking motivated by scarcity and feeling that you don't deserve something because you are telling yourself that whatever you want you don't have but hope to in the future. Again, it's never the future, its always the present moment. So you never actually get what your future-thinking self wants. Confusing, huh?

To make a mental shift we have to realize that we already are whatever it is that we want. We have to make decisions from that place instead of the future. 

Example: "I am going to configure my budget (or get on a budget) so I can take that class or trip I want to.",   "I am going to buy bigger canvases for the painting series I am doing because it will help my goals as an artist." or "I am going to explore leading an art workshop because I am a painter." or "Painting is my real job and the more I do it the more successful I become."

Rewording the future-thinking makes me feel better immediately! Try it yourself by filling in your own blanks:
"I am going to ________ because I am _______" or
"I am going to _________ because it makes me feel __________."
"I am exploring _____________ now because it will be fun."

Personally, I am working on getting out of the habit of future thinking. We can't put off our happiness and yearnings to retirement or when the kids get older or when you lose 20 pounds. We are worthy of what we want now simply because we choose it. What are you choosing today?

Do you fall prone to future-thinking too?
Leave me a comment and let's talk.

Until next time,
Beth

Honest Reflection On a Hole in the Street

It's January 4th and I am sitting here doing a mental round-up of the past year and contemplating my goals for the future.  

I have been putting off this self-reflection because the (depressing) truth is that there might have been small changes this year and years past but really, I am still in the same place in my art life that I have been for years. Essentially, I have a pattern of one step forward and two to three steps back. I have good intentions but how is it - without making too many excuses- that I find myself in almost the same place I've always been at?

What makes me uncomfortable to admit is that though my intentions are good or the vague goals I set are good, I am actually just living out a series of habituated, auto-pilot behaviors. 

This year I did paint a lot more, I did sell more paintings (18) and I posted more. But, I did not sustain it and I allowed my usual insecurities about money and worthiness to get in the way of painting, selling, posting and enjoying it even more. 

I used to say frequently to myself "I don't want to be 60 years old and still complaining that I don't have time to do "my" art." It occurred to me in this time of contemplation that 60 years old is only 14 years away!! (Gulp) What am I waiting on to really get this off the ground and accomplish the things I want to? I am not content to keep going in the same way that I have been, because inside I am unsettled and know I could be doing more. I don't want to regret all the ideas and pictures in my head that I am not allowing to come to life because of fear or complacency. 

I think what is really at the heart of it all is that I don't truly, down deep inside, believe it is available to me. I don't believe that having this life of my dreams (successful, money making artist and teacher) is an option. I could try to figure out why I feel that way and go over all the possible reasons but that does not change anything and only makes me think that negative thought even more. Instead of reinforcing that belief I need to change it. If a belief is just a thought you think over and over again, I need to reprogram myself with some new beliefs.

This poem by Portia Nelson sums things up beautifully:

THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

I think I am teetering between chapters four and five. I am at the corner, I see the hole. I am standing here biting my nails, looking at the hole and also trying to see down the other street. The other street's view is obstructed so I don't exactly know what is down there. That's what makes taking it so scary and why I am hesitating about which way to go.

Can I live consciously in a way that will take me out of auto-pilot and down a brand new street?
Do I have the courage to try and live the joyful life I want?

All it requires is one step, but in which direction?

What are you contemplating for the new year? Leave me a comment and we'll talk!
Wishing you a lovely 2018,
Beth

Are You Wise or Clever?

My latest painting is about Wisdom, yes Wisdom with a capital W. Lately in the world I feel we are sorrily lacking it. I was recently inspired by Oprah's Super Soul podcast interview of Joan Chittister. Quoting Wikipedia "Joan Chittister is a Benedictine nun and an author and international speaker on subjects of spirituality, peace, religious life, and justice for all people, especially women and the poor." I was struck by so many things she said that I listened to it twice, back to back.  I particularly resonated with something she said regarding wisdom.

Paraphrasing Chittister: Because our society does not produce anything we have kept our young people out of the workforce by extending their education. We use retirement to get the older people out. Just when people are at their smartest, we quit asking them questions and essentially throw them away. We train our young to get ahead our middle aged to be consumers and our elderly to be silent. And, we wonder why our culture is obsessed with looks, tech gadgets and capitalistic growth. 

What we are missing and desperately need is the Wisdom! We've abandoned prosperity for capitalism and growth. It is not good for our souls or the planet. We are lost. We need the Wisdom teachers to show us how to find our way back! 

So I am putting out the call to you - our teachers, those that have been around the block. We don't need Facebook rants or more editorializing news reports - we need deep thinkers. Our media (social and otherwise) moves so fast that many thoughts and ideas don't scratch the surface. That is why Wisdom is more important now than ever. 

I am calling on those who have, through life experience, gained the wisdom to give us real guidance and solutions, not just opinions. Be silent no more. I, for one, am ready to listen. Wisdom Warriors and contemplatives, your thoughts will bring about our highest change. Perhaps one day we'll all find out -maybe just maybe- you are the pyshic glue holding this whole thing together. 

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Do you think society has marginalized the older generations in the name of growth and consumerism? Or do you think our salvation lies in the hope and energy of the young? Maybe it's a mix? Continue the conversation by leaving a comment and letting me know what you think. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this post! If you have more time I recommend listening to the referenced Podcast, Joan Chittister is thought provoking, hopeful and Wise.

Today, I am wishing for you the luxury of time needed and the space and peace to be thoughtful! 
Until next time, Beth :-)

• LInk to Oprah's Super Soul Sunday Podcast interviewing Joan Chittister, O.S.B 
You can also search Oprah's Super Soul Sunday If you have iTunes on your phone or iPad. 
• Link to Joan Chittister's webpage

A note about the symbolism of this painting:
The main image in this painting is the Barn owl. From the Egyptians to the Native Americans the owl has long been a powerful symbol in many cultures.The ancient greeks used the owl as an attribute of Athena the goddess of learning. They also used owls to guard the parthenon.  Beatrix Potter, A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh), J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter) and many more authors continue to reference and associate owls with magic, mystery and wisdom. 
The full moon represents the constant and dependable cycles of aging, going from new to full to darkness each month. The constellation in the upper right part of the canvas is Virgo. In astrologic mythology it was believed that this constellation was actually the last God to live with humans. This constellation and symbol of Virgo was associated with a renewal of culture in Renaissance times. 
This painting speaks to the interconnectedness of wisdom, cycles of aging and heavenly enlightenment.